Who you gonna call?; Try all your tech-support options when that new computer crashes.

But on the day AFTER Christmas, some of you might be wishing for a sledgehammer. You might be desperately dialing the manufacturer's technical support line because you can't get those new gadgets to work. And, even after the on-hold music has been imprinted on your cerebral cortex, your problems may not be solved.

Hark unto Winthrop writer Tom Derderian's description of -online tech support: "They are weapons of mass frustration."

With the downturn in the tech industry, many companies have cut back on consumer support. On-hold waits that once were minutes can now drag on for hours. Pressured tech-support staff may try to rush you off the phone or start charging for additional time and advice. And with the proliferation of software and hardware, getting your various devices to work together may have you screaming, "Why can't we all just get along?"

Take Derderian's recent case. Derderian, a running magazine columnist and author of a history of the Boston Marathon, couldn't get his Compaq PC, loaded with Microsoft Windows '98, to work with a new DSL line from Verizon. Verizon told him his computer didn't have the right card. He bought the card from a computer store; when it still didn't work, Verizon told him the problem must be the computer. Compaq blamed the software. Microsoft fingered the computer.

"It was like having four parents: `Ask your mother, ask your father, ask your mother, ask your father,"' he said.

Not surprisingly, a lot of folks feel Derderian's pain - and not all of them are technophobic consumers.

Technical help services, such as Speak with a Geek and PlumChoice, have sprung up to help consumers with a range of products. Using diagnostic software and the Internet, technicians at both companies can link into your computer to "see" the problem.

Headquartered in San Diego, Speak with a Geek (www.speakwithageek) was founded about a year ago, said president Daniel Sullivan, a Boston native. The service, which requires a subscription of $35 to $50 a month depending on the number of users and computers, is intended to help home users with a range of operating systems, including Windows, Linux and Mac systems.

Via toll-free phone line, e-mail or live chat, customers can get help with hard drives, internal CD and DVD drives, and other hardware. Technicians "will work with them as long as it takes to solve the computer problem," according to the company. The company is also offering a free trial that lets consumers solve one computer issue during a five-day period.

Many consumers already "have a geek they can turn to," Sullivan noted. Others pay for in-home service from IT freelancers. But those who can't make a panicked call to Cousin David in Silicon Valley or the IT guy from work may wish to consult round-the-clock services such as Speak with a Geek. "It's an outlet for the rest of us," Sullivan said.

PlumChoice (www.plumchoice.com), another IT support service, focuses on those who maintain home offices. Based in Bedford, the company was founded about a year ago by Ted Werth, a Northeastern University MBA graduate. PlumChoice charges on a per-time basis at a rate of about $20 per 15 minutes; the average cost of a service call runs about $60. The company also offers a $70 gift certificate for 60 minutes, which can be spread over several sessions.

Like Speak with a Geek, PlumChoice provides help for a variety of products, networks and software. Today "the home environment is very complex," Werth said.

Via PlumChoice's remote hookup option, "there's absolutely no guesswork because we're looking into the machine and seeing things the customer is not able to read," Werth said. Speak with a Geek recently added a remote computer hosting application, downloaded quickly through the Web.

Werth recalls a customer who spent two days on the phone trying to get his printer to work while bouncing between two vendors. "We were able to reinstall printer drive through the Internet and he was printing in 15 minutes," Werth said.

Companies may be cutting back on IT staff, but many haven't given up on improving customer service. Many have sought the help of the Portsmouth, N.H.-based Loyalty Factor, a consulting group that runs intensive workshops to train consumer service representatives, including IT support (www.loyaltyfactor.com).

President Dianne Durkin said consumer frustration often stems from communication difficulties, not a lack of technical expertise. Her workshops teach IT staffers how to get inside the heads of callers to better understand how they think. Some callers are visually oriented, and a technical person who helps them "see" a solution will be more effective, she said.

Support staff who "validate" callers - i.e. make them feel they are right to be frustrated instead of incredibly stupid for calling - also will be more effective. "Computers scare the living daylights" out of some callers, others already have a good inkling of the problem, Durkin said.

Sometimes the best thing to say is, "I don't have the answers but I could find someone who does," Durkin said.

Derderian doesn't blame individual tech-support staffers for the frustration he encountered. With one exception, "they personally seemed like nice people." But he would have preferred to talk to "someone who represented a giant service, not the little pieces."

In his case, he concluded on his own that Windows '98 was to blame. "I personally suspect Bill Gates," he said.

But try getting him on the phone.

Sidebar: Be prepared when you call tech support staff

Most of us will be obliged someday to call a hardware or software manufacturer for technical assistance. Here are some tips for making calls as efficient and effective as possible. Both you and the support person on the line will be happier for it.

** Before you pick up the phone, write down the problems you've been having. Jot down the exact text from any error messages. This will help you succinctly state the nature of the problem.

** Try to remember exactly what happened before the problem surfaced. Did you install new software? Did you open a strange e-mail (which might have contained a virus)? Were your kids using the machine? Did your cat walk across the keyboard?

** Call from a quiet place, so you can concentrate fully.

** Keep track of the dates of problems and their resolutions so if a similar problem comes up, you can refer to the record.

** If you were able to solve the situation before, be sure to explain what you did. This may help the tech figure out why this approach is not working now.

** If you know you have a short fuse, try to get to a manager immediately. Be sure to keep track of what you're told for future reference.

Other pointers for the holiday period include being prepared to link up new peripherals. If you're giving, for example, a digital video camera, check whether it needs a FireWire or USB interface to connect it to a computer. Often these must be purchased separately.

Source: Ted Werth of PlumChoice, Daniel Sullivan of Speak with a Geek and Dianne Durkin of Loyalty Factor.

COPYRIGHT 2002 Boston Herald